People who love each other so much that they decided to spend their entire life with them is such a fairytale scenario. They want their loved one to be around them for the rest of their life and for that the young lovers decide to get married. It is a known phenomena that marriage is a responsibility and it is not only about the two individuals but it involves the entire family. It is considered a huge responsibility because now the man or the woman has to co-exist with both the families and have to involve both the families in the life.

 

Marriage is a promise of being together, the protector and the lover. It claims to be the knight in the shining armor and what not but it is not always the bed of roses. Problem arises when a person starts to neglect their significant other and shift their priorities. When they started to treat their loved one as a stranger and prioritize their family. Marriage is not a one way thing, it requires you to be on the same page as your partner and it may involve the shift in your idea of life, your plans and your responsibilities. 

Sometimes you may feel the need to ask yourself why a husband chooses mother over wife and it is a very common question in a married life. There can be multiple reasons for that and you need not to worry, it can be solved with a few changes in your attitude or lifestyle. 

REASONS FOR THE DISTANCE

  • ATTACHMENT TO THE FAMILY

It is natural that your husband gravitates towards his family more because nonetheless he spent his entire life with them. Family is an integral part for anyone and you feel the same towards your family as well. There are some instances that the family feels threatened by you and does not want a stranger to be a part of their son’s life but in most of the cases it is all in your head. These feelings are developed in the initial phase of a relationship because you and the family are not familiar with each other. The best thing you could do is to give them space and try to understand the mutual feelings. If you love your partner, you would not want his family to think the worst about you.

  • STUCK BETWEEN MOTHER AND WIFE

Mothers-in-law will sometimes deliberately distance themselves from their daughters-in-law, or they will taunt or tease them, or they will still invite their son’s ex-partners to events.

Obviously, such incidents will result in petty arguments and scuffles.

In such cases, the men find themselves sandwiched between the mother and the wife. And men were not designed to make decisions. When it comes down to it, the best they can do is support their mothers. They aren’t much help when it comes to nasty in-law feuds.

There are a number of reasons for this.

  • They believe that their mothers are vulnerable and should not be upset, whereas their wives are stronger and can handle the worst.
  • Their childhood and pre-birth bond is still very strong, and it is very likely that the son is incapable of admitting the mother’s flaws.
  • Men are born avoiders.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOUR HUSBAND CHOOSES HIS MOTHER OVER YOU

First and foremost, it is not the end of the world. You have done nothing wrong in this situation. It is a matter of time that you both need to understand each other on a personal level and you in laws need to stop being over possessive about their son. In this case don’t forget that you have self respect too and you too deserve to be treated well. 

  • DO NOT HURT YOUR FEELINGS

You have the right to feel betrayed, hurt, and abandoned. And you shouldn’t pretend that your husband action are not affecting you. Also your husband’s decision to prioritize his family over you, but do you know what else you shouldn’t do?

Remember you must not allow your hurt feelings to turn into resentment. Holding grudges, constantly rewinding past events, ghosting him, and so on are all examples of this.

All of these are extremely hazardous to your mental and physical health. It would be a surprise that how powerful our thoughts are.

Another reason not to let your hurt feelings turn toxic is that it will only make matters worse. Nobody on Earth has ever solved a problem by focusing solely on how hurt they are.

  • COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER

One thing you should remember is to always resolve marriage issues involving extended family with your partner alone. Consider this to be the best marriage advice you’ll ever get.

Communication. As you may be aware, it is the foundation of all healthy relationships, from friendships to marriages.

Unfortunately, we women have a tendency to believe that our partners can read our minds.

Regrettably, they aren’t. If you don’t communicate openly and honestly with your husband, he won’t realize you’re feeling neglected. And he will prioritize his family over you.

So, the first step is to tell him how you’re feeling and what’s going on in your head.

You will feel ten times better once you have done so. The most important thing is that your husband is willing to cooperate and carefully listen to you.

  • BE ON THE SAME PAGE WITH YOUR HUSBAND

Remember that the worst thing you can do in this situation is turn his family against him, argue with him all the time, and so on.

Instead of involving his family and fighting with your spouse, work on instilling a sense of teamwork in your marriage.

What exactly does this mean? It entails listening to one another and cooperating to find a solution to this specific problem.

Involving your entire family in the situation will only add to the confusion and complications.

Remind yourself that marriage is a team effort in which both parties need to make an effort, propose solutions, and support each other no matter what.

When you learn to turn on compassion, understanding, and compromising skills, you instantly turn off every negative aspect that has the potential to destroy your marriage.

WHAT TO DO NOW

Women usually think that they can question, on whose side you are ? And they end up thinking, why does the husband choose mother over wife. If you’ve reached a point where you’ve had to ask the question, chances are you’re not going to like the answer. There is no big secret here; simply play the game wisely. Otherwise, ongoing in-law conflicts will eventually cause a significant rift in your relationship with your spouse.