It’s time we talked openly about something almost everyone does but never brings up in polite company. No, not at all. I’m referring to the phenomenon of being ghosted, in which a person gradually withdraws from a relationship ignoring phone calls, mysteriously being unavailable for social engagements until only her ghostlike absence remains. Isn’t that terrible? No, not at all.

I’m not making an all-encompassing statement here. It’s obviously wrong to ghost someone you care about or someone who physically depends on you. You can’t take a week off and then say, “Sorry, I got really busy,” if you’ve just promised someone you’ll be right back to extract him from a flaming wreckage.

Depiction of being ghosted

WHAT IS GHOSTING?

Ghosting is an eerie phenomenon. It occurs when a person you’ve recently begun dating abruptly cease all contact with you. They are non verbally communicating to you that they are uninterested or, at best, unsure. Silence is a terrible way to inform someone that you no longer want to date them. In fact, one of the reasons ghosting is so aggravating is the lack of specifics! The person on the receiving end is left wondering if everything is dead and, if so, why.

We want to know why things happen. When we are ghosted, we not only don’t know why, but we also begin to believe that we are the problem. This is why the desire to text after being ghosted is so strong.

We want our control back! All these emotions, anger, fear, hurt swirl around and we choose the only weapon available to us that is our phone.

CONFRONT OR IGNORE AFTER BEING GHOSTED

Every circumstance is different, but here are ten texts to send after being ghosted. Send only one text message. Don’t give in to your rage. There will be no guilt-tripping. There are no expectations.

LOW INTENSITY TEXT

Direct text is a low-intensity response that draws no attention to the ghosting issue. Everything is kept light and ambiguous. If you don’t hear back, assume the worst and move on. If you do receive a response, one of our other options may be suitable for your next text.

Trying to figure our what to text after being ghosted

CURIOSITY MESSAGE

This is the text you send when you really feel a strong connection, perhaps even exclamations of almost love. And are astounded by the ghosting. Be cautious: This is a vulnerable text, and the response may not be to your liking. If it feels right to you, you can mention in a text that you were looking forward to getting to know them and spending time with them and were surprised not to hear from them. The best texts are those that are curious and honest. Please do not write more than 100 sentences.

excitedly texting

CONFIRMING ONES

It’s perfectly acceptable to state the obvious, even if you’re just confirming it for yourself. This language also communicates to the ghoster that you observed their behavior, did not appreciate it, and are moving on. We strongly advise you to delete and block their phone number after this to avoid responding to any excuses they may send you later. Maintain your word! Allow it to run its course.

A person face after being ghosted

HOW TO COPE WITH BEING GHOSTED?

Even if you’ve been ghosted by someone in your life, there are things you can do to start feeling better. It’s not always easy, and it often takes time, but there are things you can do to start feeling better.

GHOSTED IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM

When someone suddenly disappears, it’s difficult not to feel regret, embarrassment, and shame. After all, you took a risk in the name of growth, and it backfired. While ghosting can feel very personal, it isn’t about you. It is all about them.

Now is the time to reorganize, be gentle with yourself, and take a break. You are not to blame if someone walks away without making a sound. It’s also not your fault that the other person couldn’t tell you the truth maturely.

SELF CARE

So, how do you proceed? You must practise self-compassion and self-care. Family and friends are your biggest support so spend maximum time with them. You may also engage in activities that make you happy, such as taking a yoga class or returning to a hobby that you enjoy. Remember to reframe your thoughts about the ghoster and the relationship whenever you think of them. They had, after all, broken the contract of what it takes to be in a mature, healthy relationship. Mutual respect, good communication, and thoughtfulness are all part of it. As a result, this wasn’t the right person for you in the first place.

A NOTE TO SELF

Despite the fact that ghosting has become commonplace, it is more about the ghoster’s problem than it is about you. Being ghosted has nothing to do with you or your worth. It should also not make you powerless. People who ghosted you didn’t treat you with respect. They lacked the courage to do the right thing and explain why they couldn’t continue to be in a relationship with you.

You may feel a range of negative emotions and question yourself as a result of the experience. Don’t engage in the game of blaming and shaming. Keep your head held high, your dignity intact, and let them go. Someone more capable may be on the lookout for you.

During this difficult time, take care of yourself and build your resilience. If you’re still having trouble coping after being ghosted by a romantic interest, a friend, or someone at work, seek help from a doctor or a mental health professional.